Shaking the Family Tree and Finding Skeletons

By most accounts, genealogy can seem like a rather boring hobby.  We research old documents, census records, marriage, birth and death records.  But for those of us that claim genealogy as our hobby it’s more than just those old records, it’s discovering where we came from, and how those ancestors helped shaped who we are today.

So that was the generic statement and although there is truth in that we also love finding those hidden nuggets of information, those skeletons in the family closet.

Secretly, genealogists get excited when we find “secrets” but we’ve struggled with how to properly document the truth without causing family strife.  We have all been raised on “family” stories, but as most of us can tell you … those stories have been greatly exaggerated and unreliable as they are mostly told from memory and over great periods of time and change along the way.

Over time families have created this ideal past, and finding out about some of those skeletons can often shatter those family illusions and diminish what they perceive as “respectable” family history.

Our ancestors often kept these secrets to keep their family honor and because scandals like illegitimate children, affairs or criminals in the family directly affected all family members.  Family honor determined your worthiness and respectability and your social standing in the communities they lived.  So scandals could really make or break a family in centuries past.

As a family historian I’ve never believed it was my place to highlight family secrets but to try and accurately document the past, both good and bad.  But I will admit I’ve gotten into many conversations that start with, “I was told by my” why haven’t you put that in the family tree?  I document what I can prove with facts.  Those old documents, census records, marriage, birth, death, service records and bible entries.  And on occasion we do make educated conclusions based on those documents.  Take for example, my third great grandmother, she was married 9 Aug 1856 and the birth of their first child was 31 Mar 1857, just seven months after their marriage.  Now I’ve had two kids and I know that pregnancy is 40 weeks or the end of nine months, and since there are no documents or even family record discussing that the baby was born premature, or was “sickly and small” at birth, then I can conclude that she was already pregnant when they married.

I think we are all raised to believe that generations past were these virginal, pious individuals that never had an impure thoughts or action.  And although by today’s standards they had far fewer divorces, illegitimate births, affairs and so on, they were in fact human.  Although it may sound strange to say, I like the idea that they were fallible, that they weren’t these incredible pillars of virtue.

I can tell you that I have many skeletons in my family closet and every one of them adds just a little bit of color to my family tree.  I’ve had mothers execute their sons to keep the throne for themselves, slave owners, abolitionist, suicide, criminals, pre-marital sex, divorce and the list goes on.

But its all a part of history, my history, the good the bad and it all fertilized my family tree.